Out In Public….

I’m finding it hard being out in public alot these days (when I do manage to get out that is), if its not the pain it’s the thought of people staring at me because I’m using a walking stick or because I look so “miserable” due to all the pain I’m in. These days I feel like I just wanna hide at home because of this illness. Yet I get so frustrated because I’m forever stuck in the house because I can’t walk far because I’m in that much pain or I’m too stiff. Alot of the time I feel like I’m fighting a losing battle and I’m sure alot of you fibro warriors out there feel like that at some time or another. 

One thing I hate when I’m out is when people see me and then they see the walking stick and then they look back at me and they give me such a pity look as if to say they feel sorry for me. They don’t know me, they don’t know my story so why do they feel sorry for me? I don’t need pity, I don’t need sympathy from strangers…..I just want people to understand. Instead of staring at me and the walking stick, come over and ask politely either what happened or why do I need my walking stick, rather than stare.

 I was recently in a restaurant with my boyfriend and we were just leaving when a group of women (I’d say there were around seven of them maybe in their late 20s, early 30s), when I politely let them get seated before I went past them as there wouldn’t be enough room for us all to get past when one woman seen me standing there waiting and then she immediately seen my stick and then looked at me with a look between shock and horror and she then immediately said, “Sorry” in her North-East Scottish accent, I said, “It’s fine get seated”. I may be exaggerating but it kinda felt like I’d been punched in the stomach to be looked at like that and for her to say sorry. Yes it was polite of her to say sorry for holding me up but I did politely let them past to get seated before I went past. I just can’t get used to being treated differently for the wrong reasons for my appearance of having a walking stick.

I’ve been struggling for months now that many people are treating me differently and not in the best beneficial way. I mean I’m starting to get over the fact I’ve lost alot of friends through this illness because they don’t understand that fact I can’t always be going out or I’m always in alot of pain and for the pure fact they are ignorant to the whole thing and they are just damn lazy to be a true friend. I just want to be in good enough health to get back in to either education so I can get a great paid job or go straight in to work. I know it’s gonna take a long time to get back to that and I know for a fact it’s gonna be tough because it has and it is tough to get where I am to this day. There’ll be times where I just wanna give up (not where I wanna die-god no!) But because I’m fed up and tired of fighting the pain but then I’ve got to remember at the end of the day I’m 19 years old, I’ve got a good 50-70 years ahead of me. So I’m gonna try my best to make the most of today, tomorrow and the future.

Thank You for reading, stay strong and remember to take one step at a time 🙂