A New Year

I bet your’re sat there thinking what is this girl on about?! “A New Year? Its August!” Well this time last year I had enrolled at my first year at college, I was training to become a Support Worker to help those who are either mentally and/or physically disabled but unfortunately I took ill just months before I could finish my first year at college and I ended up having around 2-3 weeks off college. Now when I first initially fell ill, my mother contacted my college and my tutors and they we’re very understanding and said not to worry about college and just concentrate on getting better, so after them saying that I did what they said I concentrated on getting better as fast as I could.

Once I returned back to college they weren’t exactly happy about my time off and they stopped my funding. Now by stopping my funding I wasn’t able to get to college or my work placement as I lived over 20 miles away from college and over 10 miles away from my work placement, I wasn’t in any form of paid work as I was a full-time student and weekends we’re taken up by writing reports by the bucket load. My mother and myself argued and fought with the college for my funding back as I am a hard worker and passionate about what I want to do and it was just an unfortunate and uncontrollable event in which occurred. I was heartbroken at the fact I would now have to leave college and take a step back to try and focus on getting my health back up to scratch. And now a year on from my enrollment date I sit at my computer writing to you and telling you my story, still ill and worse than I was. I’m definitely NOT looking for sympathy and I know for a FACT there are people out there in the world who are far worse off than me and I accept that. The thing what annoys me most is that I can’t do the things I love anymore which is working! 

Working in care has been a dream of mine for so long, I wanted to become a Vet to care after animals, then I realized that I could never get the grades to go to university so then I wanted to care for animals in a zoo or something along those lines anyway. But then one day when I was a child my mother’s friends had come round to the house for a general catch up y’know as most mothers do. Her friends brought a young man with them and his name was Callum, I remember he was a little shy to begin with but then he was so lively and had such an infectious smile. I just treated him like any other visitor that walked through the door, which was to be polite and to be kind. I was around nine or ten when I first met Callum and it wasn’t until a couple of years later that I found out that he had learning difficulties and that my mother’s friends we’re his carers and took him out for the day and helped him cook meals etc. I was amazed by this because I seen him just as your regular Joe Bloggs and I thought that’s what Callum and others like him need is to be treated the same and to be apart of the community and not to be discriminated. So ever since then I wanted to become a Support Worker but now I’m the one who needs help on a day to day basis and I find it so hard to get my head round that concept as many others who suffer with fibromyalgia do also. In my head I could run a marathon fine like any other person but just walking to the shop which is less than two minutes away feels like a marathon to me physically and like I’ve said before it just frustrates me so much. So now I just take everyday one step at a time and take things at my own pace and try not to let people tell me what I should and shouldn’t do. A lot of people don’t understand what fibromyalgia is like and they think they have the right to judge you and tell you what to do. I know my limits and I’m the one whose got to live with this for the rest of my life, not them, I’m the one whose got to live with the fact that this will effect my children when that time comes for me to have children and It’ll hurt me so much more emotionally not always being able to do certain things with them and possibly have other children bullying them because their mummy is ‘different’ and that’s exactly it! WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND WE SHOULD LOVE AND ACCEPT EACH OTHER FOR THE WAY WE ARE.  

Thank you for reading, stay strong and take one step at a time. 🙂